Tuesday, November 30, 2004

June Anderson?








There is a scene in the director's cut of the movie "Amadeus" where Mozart is introduced as the music tutor to a young woman. Because of the period costume and wig I was uncertain, but the person looked like the opera singer June Anderson, she didn't sing or even speak so there was no further evidence.

Does anyone know if she played this part?

Annoying Word Usage

Here are some words that are often incorrectly used and/or pronounced. I'm always irritated when I hear or see them and so poke fun at them and their users now.

Asterick

What the hell is that? Why do so many - mostly Americans - find it difficult to say asterisk?

Aks or Axe

As in: "I want to aks you a question", I'm not being racist here but it's mostly black Americans who can't say "ask".

Heighth

American again I'm afraid, the word is height, there's no "th" on the end of it!

Uz

Uzed or used by people in the west of Scotland, I can't understand this one, what's wrong with uz or us?

Eck Cetera

Sounds like the name of a Scottish footballer but no, I've heard it blethered all over the world etc. or even et cetera.

But

Another west Scotland one. What's wrong with "but"?, you may say. Well, nothing, as long as it's not the last word in a sentence as in:

"I'm going to the pub but."

or:

"What's for dinner but?"

Sorry world, some of us do talk like that!

Finally, the daddy of them all and almost the exclusive property of George W. Bush, the fabulous word:

Nukular

Much more difficult to pronounce than the real word nuclear, George looks as though he's trying really hard to concentrate when he utters it. I imagine the following with one of his language coaches:

"Now Mr President it's quite simple, say the word 'new' " (George says it)

"That's great sir, now say the word 'clear' " (again George obliges)

"Finally sir, put them together and you have?"

"Nukular", says George.

"Close, Mr President, close".

Faith, Fact, and Opinion

I can't recall who originally said:

"Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but not to their own facts!"

It's an easy trap to fall into; to talk as if what you're saying is a fact, when in fact, it's just your opinion! I've made the mistake myself although I do try - unless the point is purely philosophical - to say or write only that which a reader or listener can independently verify. But some things require effort to verify and many people can't be bothered to do it, some things are impossible to verify, so they just accept or reject things based upon their world-view or faith.

Faith is a belief in that for which there is no evidence. Faith is something you never get from within yourself. Faith in yourself is not faith, it's knowledge of your own abilities. Faith - when it comes to instilling confidence - is nowhere near as powerful as knowledge. Faith in fact, is something that someone else wants you to have based entirely upon their say so, they expect you to believe what must only be their opinion, otherwise it would be verifiable and be a fact that did not require faith!

Faith is very confusing and best avoided.

Facts are much simpler and easier to deal with, the only trouble with facts are that you must convince yourself of their truth; this may require some work. It's not surprising therefore that many - perhaps most - people live their lives not really knowing the difference between faith, fact, and opinion. They don't want to think, it's too much like hard work.

Please look around you for independent verification.

Saturday, November 27, 2004

Sport And Politics

My conclusion: they are two sides of the same coin.

There is no doubt that sports - especially team games - are thinly disguised versions of warfare, politics and sport have the same objective; defeat the enemy. Both are a kind of tribalism that extends easily into nationalism. If, for whatever reason, you can't kill your foes, then the next best thing is to defeat them at sports.

Sportsmen and their supporters who think that sport and politics should be kept separate, don't realise what they're dealing with, it's not possible to separate them. Even some politicians seem unable to grasp the connection, although many do, and often use it for their own ends.

Here in Scotland, we have always been very tribal (one of our downfalls) and there are many individuals today who still rely heavily on the security to be gained from membership of a tribe; I'm thinking here mainly of football fans but it applies to other sports also. The importance of this modern tribalism is clearly reflected in the ridiculous sums of money we pay tribal heroes who are sometimes unable to even speak coherently. Tribalism itself is undesirable enough, to glorify it in this way, is foolish.

There are many forms of tribalism still around and although some tribal organisations make token beneficial gestures, most of them have an overall negative effect on society. This is something for another post, methinks.

Friday, November 26, 2004

Mozart Moves Up

Mozart has never been my favourite composer and that has not changed, but recently he has certainly jumped up a few notches. I've always liked some of his music but always had the feeling that he lacked depth - wrote catchy tunes but never had the power to do for me what Beethoven does.

Recently I've been studying four of Mozart's operas; Cosi Fan Tutte, Le Nozze de Figaro, Don Giovanni and Die Zauberflote. These have caused me to change my mind a little, some of the music in Figaro and Cosi convinced me of his genius. Of the four I would rate the "Flute" the lowest, it epitomises what my earlier feelings were; several catchy tunes but no real substance, the same cannot be said of the other three, they are without doubt among the finest operas ever written. Some say Don Giovanni is the best opera ever, but not for me, I like Cosi and Figaro more.

I find it hard to make a list of favourites because my favourite depends on my mood, so here are some of them in no particular order.

Classical Music
  • Beethoven symphonies 5, 6 and 7
  • Beethoven Violin Concerto
  • Bruch Violin Concerto
  • Mendelsohn Violin Concerto
  • Beethoven Moonlight Sonata
  • Some of the work of Handel, Bach, Brahms and Tchaikovsky
Operas
  • La Boheme
  • Tosca
  • Carmen
  • Madam Butterfly
  • Rigoletto
  • L'elisir d'amore
  • Lucia di Lammermoor
  • Le Nozze de Figaro
  • Cosi Fan Tutte
  • Don Giovanni
  • Norma
  • Don Carlos
I like most kinds of music except Country and Western and some of the crap that masquerades under the name of music today. Modern pop music has lost it's way, since the Beatles and a few others from that era, no-one has come close to producing good stuff.

It's true that music is very subjective and a matter of taste, but I think the following statement can be fairly made:

Music can be tested, if it stands the test of time, it's good: if not, it's crap.

That's why the music of the great composers is as popular now as it was hundreds of years ago, in some cases, more so! Most of the stuff nowadays will be forgotten in a month, never mind a hundred years!

Thursday, November 25, 2004

Aliens: Where Are They?


I don’t know; and irrespective of what you may have read, neither does any other human being. The trouble with almost all reported alien stories especially the silly abduction tales, is that they depend upon the ignorance of those reading them. And I mean “ignorance” in the sense that persons ignorant of what is possible, not possible, likely or unlikely will find it difficult to make a decision about the veracity of a story.

When we study the Universe, we see the laws of physics we have on Earth are applicable everywhere, it is reasonable to assume therefore, that an alien species will have the same problems as we have when faced with the difficulty of inter-stellar travel. These problems are not trivial, even for a species that may be far more advanced than we are. For various reasons I won’t go into here, it’s very unlikely that an advanced alien society could exist within a 200 light-year radius of the Earth, but for the sake of argument, let’s say one did. If they wanted to make the trip here they would have to find a way to travel really fast, even at the speed of light their life span would have to be at least a thousand years for any wanting to return home and tell the folks about it, alternatively, they would have to breed on the way.Yes, I know all about worm-holes bending space-time and that may be possible, but for us right now, it’s impossible and may always be, and I suspect that no matter how advanced a species becomes, some things will always be difficult and perhaps impossible. These circumstances pose a big problem for UFO buffs and alien-abduction fans, even if they solved the distance problems is it likely that aliens would come here just to tamper with us sexually – most of the stories feature this - then leave? I think not.

In fact, there is a good clue to the truth here, these stories tell us more about the storyteller than anything else. Even we are able to perform genetic feats without all the probing and primitive experiments, aliens advanced enough to come here would most certainly be far more sophisticated. As I said, insight is gained into the mind of the people inventing these stories.

These tall-tale spinners also display strong ignorance of evolution and biology and a significant lack of imagination. The chances of any alien species looking even slightly like us are astronomically slim, even if life on Earth was snuffed out and had to start over, the likelihood of anything like us arising again, is almost zero. Yet in every story there they are, very human-like and displaying remarkably human traits and foibles. Another nail in the UFO/Alien coffin I think, and while I’m at it, I’ll knock another one in.

A lot of us have been around long enough to see how the stories change. In the fifties and sixties the aliens were mostly reported as Martian or Venusian but now we’ve sent probes to Mars and seen nothing remotely like intelligent life; we found that the surface temperature of Venus is hot enough to melt lead. Lo and behold, the aliens no longer come from Mars or Venus, now it’s Boolshot or Krapton 69 or whatever, must I mention why?

I for one would be enthralled if we made contact with an alien species, it would be the greatest event in human history, but I would wait forever for the real thing rather than fall prey to silly tales.

I think all the alien brouhaha is simply the modern version of imps and demons, witches and fairies; these things seem to fulfil a deep-seated need in the human psyche.

Bad Hair/Religion Day

Some people have so-called "bad hair days", I don't, I have "bad religion days" and today I'm having a whopper!

One of the main problems of religion is that it's a static, dogmatic load of nonsense that doesn't take into account the fact that we live in a dynamic ever-changing world. People have become a little more sophisticated - at least some have - over the past two thousand years, you can't expect to trot out the same old story about some geezer who lives in the sky and expect to get away with it! The tale was told and the book was written at a time when things were very different to the way they are now, people are better educated and not intimidated by the fear of god anymore.

The main reason that man invented religion was to keep the masses in order, unfortunately for religion, some of the masses are now more intelligent than the perpetrators of the god myth and so amongst educated people, religion is - thankfully - in decline. It hasn't escaped my attention - and hopefully not yours - that religiosity is strongest in parts of the world where education is lacking. It usually goes hand-in-hand with poverty but not always - the USA is a good example of this. America would not be considered a poor country and religion still has a good hold there, but the fact is that most Americans are not well educated and religion is strongest in the poorer states.

I don't want to seem like I'm bashing the USA, while I worked there I met many bright people but of course I was in software development, where a brain is kinda necessary.

In recent years some religious leaders have made a few puerile attempts at dogma modification in order that it become more suited to modern times, but their efforts are doomed to failure. It's too little too late, to win hearts and minds again they'd have to scrap the whole deal and start over, but of course that would make a joke of the entire thing! If we manage to survive the religion wars that are currently taking place then there's a good chance that given time, it will all disappear.

I predict christianity will be first to go; the reason being that christian countries have better education and the story is very nonsensical. Probably, some of the Eastern religions will linger longest because they make more sense and they have a lot of followers who are not yet educated.

I've just had a final thought...if religion were true and there was a heaven, what would be the point of being here on Earth?

Think about it...I will.

The Second Coming

I imagine that most christian sects would be delighted to learn that the arrival of Jesus was impending, but I bet not many have given thought as to how it would actually happen. It would be difficult for some guy claiming to be The Son of God to get taken seriously, even if he was wearing a robe and carrying a few fish and a loaf!

But let's be generous, let's say Jesus was able to convince christian leaders like George Bush and Tony Blair that he was the genuine article, what good would it do? Not much, I suspect. Worldwide, christians are vastly outnumbered by non-christians who would probably be mightily unimpressed by the news, in fact it may have to be kept quiet so that christians didn't become the laughing stock of the planet! Imagine how we in the christian dominated part of the world would react if another religion announced it's God had returned? Would we believe it? I think not.

No, a second coming is the last thing we need from any religion, if true, it would be a worldwide disaster. Imagine what would follow if any one religion could say with certainty:

"See, we told you so! Ours is the one and only true God!"

Planetary mayhem would erupt the next day.

Luckily, this is not going to happen....well, I can't be absolutely sure of that, only about 99.9999999999999999999999999999% certain!

Wednesday, November 24, 2004

The Meaning Of Life?

Five hundred page - maybe larger - books have been written on this subject. Mine is a short simple version, the answer is; there is no meaning. We individually give, or take away, meaning from our lives. You and I are here because our parents were an evolutionary success, that is Nature's way, that's all there is to it.

Of course as humans, we may feel that those simple facts are a little brutal and perhaps not worthy of such a magnificent species as us but that's wrong; we are just primates who have gained some intelligence. Personally, the search for truth gives meaning to my life, it gets me high, I have no need for drugs, intoxicants, fairies, gods or mumbo jumbo of any kind. It doesn't matter what you do, if it gives you a feeling of fulfillment, then you have meaning in your life.

I admit the feeling that we will probably be one of the shortest-lived species ever to inhabit the Earth, leaves me a little depressed. In fact, our demise may be as a result of our intelligence, we have learned and discovered many things in a short time but seem pathetically unable to reach the realistic level of maturity required to handle the knowledge. Many species on Earth have been here much longer than us, they are the kind of creatures we would consider among the least intelligent, reptilians, for example.

It seems clear then, that intelligence has little, if any, survival value. Perhaps that is the default condition of life in the Universe - rarely, a species evolves to intelligence and then promptly destroys itself because of distrust, national fervour or religious nonsense. I harbour a glimmer of hope that we may survive our technological adolescence but sweeping changes must occur, here are just a few.

  • All organised religions must go away, they have killed millions of us already and still pose the most dangerous threat.
  • Nationalism and patriotic fervour are also dangerous, nations must go, we need to become citizens of the planet.
  • It seems obvious, but needs to be said: survival of the species needs to be the goal of each and every one of us.
  • The foolish greed that drives some of us must be suppressed, we need to ensure that all of us can reach our potential.
  • The worth of a person must be measured by what they can do that benefits humankind in general, desire for fame in a nonsense activity is worthless.

Now, being realistic, I know that most of these things will not happen soon and a few may never come to pass, that's why I don't think we'll make it. It's highly unlikely but possible, that those younger than me will witness contact with an intelligent alien species at some future time. I'd be willing to bet that many, if not all of the characteristics above, will form part of their culture.

I will also bet that no-one in their culture will be capable of calmly sawing the head off one of his fellows whilst mindlessly chanting that god is great.

Animals like these are unworthy of the name "animal".


Warning! Religion Definitely Makes You Stupid


Well, it does if you really believe that self-proclaimed archbishop Gilbert Deya can give women babies by prayer alone, since his is the fastest growing religious cult in the UK, the inescapable fact is that there are thousands of stupid people out there.

This evening the BBC broadcast a programme about this charlatan that posed the question: “Miracle Babies?” I’m surprised it needed to be aired; this man has already had at least one court judgment against him for child theft that most people have heard about. No, there’s no doubt or question here, these are most certainly not miracle babies. Why is this crook not in jail? Why is Scotland even thinking of allowing him to open a “church” in Glasgow? Why does he already have one in London that is currently undergoing a £1 million facelift? Just to clarify the situation, here are a few things that have emerged in this case.

  • A woman (Deya’s wife I believe) has had 13 children in 5 years, we know this this is not possible – they must have been miracles right?
  • The parents of stolen children have won their cases through simple DNA tests.
  • He even has a TV show that explains to women how they can become pregnant just by watching. The show started in Kenya (his homeland) but is available in the UK.
  • This criminal says that we in Scotland are full of demons and need his help!
  • Not all the babies are stolen, several female followers proudly display their prayer-only induced, fat bellies.
  • One woman said that after a successful praying session her son was born three months later (he was a whopper, no doubt)!

The saddest and most depressing fact of all is this:

All a trickster has to do is say that it’s the work of Jesus and people just throw their brains out the window. There’s no escaping this, these poor dupes must have heard the overwhelming evidence against Deya and yet they still believe him, not only that, but they must be giving him large donations! How else could a man who started in a Nairobi slum afford top-of-the-range cars and be able to lavish a fortune on his so-called churches?

Worse still, those same Deya disciples - were they able to read and write - would probably be daft enough to argue against my writings here!

What is wrong with some people? Is there a thickheaded religion gene at work here, a relic of The Dark Ages? I'd like to hear Richard Dawkins thoughts on that. This is one of the most simple, straightforward cases of religious chicanery to come to light in recent years, yet it takes a trick! Come on ladies! Even the dimmest among you must have at least a vague recollection of a man doing...something strange with your body?

Ah, what I would give to have no conscience, I can think of many ways to make money from foolish “sky daddy” followers but I just can’t do it. Maybe I’ll go to heaven…(ugh).

Tuesday, November 23, 2004

The Grand Canyon

So, the biblical flood made the canyon - at least the book that Bush backs, says so.

It seems that the perpetrators of the Bush government's "Faith Based Initiatives" have decreed that the book be sold in the canyon educational centre alongside sensible journals that explain the real geology. Letters of protest from the Park's Director and others had no effect.

What's next I wonder?

The world today is awash in religious stupidity; not devotion; not even fervour, just plain old stupidity. On the one hand we have fanatics who care nothing for life, on the other we have idiots who believe that all species on Earth would fit in a wooden boat. We need to stop showing any kind of deference or respect for people who try to hide behind religion and use it for their own pathetically obvious ends.

If you really think that the Noah's Ark story is true, or that a martyr will go to heaven and be master of seventy virgins, you're not being devout; all you're doing is showing sensible people that you're amazingly fucking stupid!

Tuesday, November 16, 2004

For Kenny

Hello Kenny.

When I first put the Burqa Report together, I realised that there may just possibly be one or two individuals who have perhaps, been trapped in a cave somewhere and therefore may be unaware of the whole Taliban/Afghanistan situation and their suppression of women via the burqa. In addition, these people may also fail to make the religious connection, especially if their knowledge of American politics and republican hypocrisy is minimal.

However, my attempt at humour would have at least been diminished if I had to explain everything, so I decided to give readers the benefit of the doubt. There you have it Kenny, sorry you missed the point - or perhaps not...depends on which Kenny you may be!

Would all other cave-dwelling potential Kenny-type commentators also please take note of the above explanation.

Sunday, November 14, 2004

What I'm Saying Is...

Know what ah'm sayin'?. Know what ah'm sayin'?

No, I don't know what you're saying, but if you put a little effort into improving your fluency, then perhaps I will!

Saturday, November 13, 2004

Burqas Are Dead

(Readers tip: start at "Bush's Burqa Deal" below )

It
is with mixed feelings that I report to you on the death of the American burqa.

In a shock announcement the President, flanked by Falwell, Ashcroft and Victoria Vindictive of the ASF, said that with a heavy heart, he was forced to shelve the burqa project indefinitely. Citing failure of the Afghani supplier as the reason, Bush stated that he felt personally cheated by "Them "b******* in Afghanistan".

"That's the thanks I get after all the help I gave them", he said.

In interview, Falwell said that he, Ashcroft and Vindictive, had spent the last week trying to get the burqas manufactured in the USA.

"All the companies said they could make them, but the price of the burqa would rise to $350 instead of the $25 we'd already promised the American people", said Falwell.

"We realize that such an increase would do our re-election prospects no good at all, so we had to admit defeat", he said.

I immediately contacted Mustapha Phag, head of the Afghani consortium, to get his side of the story.

"Yes, it's true", said Phag.

"We turned Bush down because he didn't want to honour his side of the deal".

"It's not about money, it was trying to avoid the religious issue that angered us", fumed Phag.

After much cajoling, I managed to get Phag to give me the scoop. It seems that as part of the original deal to get each burqa for for 60 cents and a Big Mac, Bush had agreed that he would get legislation passed that would grant all followers of Islam immediate United States citizenship, with six months free accomodation in a luxury hotel while they looked for a job. Additional legislation would be passed forcing American employers to hire the Muslims at a special, Islamic-only, minimum wage rate of $50 per hour.

"I guess the spineless little bastard had second thoughts when he got back home", sneered Phag.

"Well, fuck him and his GOP, he'll get no cheap burqas here", were his closing comments.

Well folks, I guess that MAB, AAAB, and most others will feel they've won a victory even if it wasn't their efforts that achieved it. I had a final word with Bertha Bulbous of BAG, the minority group.

"We're very upset" said Bulbous.

"We larger-than-normal ladies always get fucked, well... we don't get fucked, but we get fucked figuratively if you see what I mean", she cried.

I expressed my sympathies and slipped silently away.

Burqas Are Cool!

Well, I must admit I didn't expect it but a new feminist group named BAG (Burqas Are Good) has emerged and to everyone's surprise, is solidly behind Bush's Burqa Plan. Their leader, a somewhat large lady named Bertha Bulbous, had this to say:

"Here at BAG, we love our burqas, the average woman needs to understand the advantages"

She then went on to recite a list as follows:

  • Perfect for shopping (or shoplifting) the burqa can easily be modified to have large internal pockets. On returning home, a lady can tell her husband she bought nothing - he'll be none the wiser!
  • The baggy shape of the burqa hides the body perfectly - no more embarassment over flab or cellulite.
  • The head part is a real money saver, no make-up, no hairdos, imperfections like facial or protuberant nasal hair, are completely hidden!
  • Finally, the burqa has a dietary advantage, the physical difficulties presented by the visor ensures that women can only eat in the privacy of their own homes - weight loss is guaranteed!

With a very upbeat tone Bertha added:

"Laura (The First Lady) has invited myself and a few others to a lawn party at the White House, she wants to tell us of even more benefits of the burqa!"

BREAKING NEWS

During burqa trials in Florida two of the women involved, have died from heat exhaustion. After removing their burqas, doctors discovered that both were wearing full outfits of normal garments underneath! A health official in Boca Raton said:

"We stress that burqas must replace normal clothes, Floridian ladies need only light underwear." "In fact, they can be nude underneath, no-one will give them a second glance anyway"


Some Mo' Burqa

I knew it! It was only a matter of time before AAAB (African Americans Against Burqas) got in on the act. So far, the group have yet to find a suitable spokesperson, but are nevertheless making their presence felt by lobbying and picketing outside department stores. They lost a little ground recently when one of their escapades backfired.

After successfully stopping a large truck supposed to be containing burqas outside the Atlanta based J.C. Nickels store, several crates were thrown into the street and set alight. Within a few seconds the boxes started exploding and the calm air was filled with a wonderful odour! It turned out that the shipment was really a consignment of those large crown-shaped car air fresheners.

Just to prove that it's an ill wind that blows nobody any good, a spokesman for the KKK in Mississippi stated recently:

"I have to admit our popularity and power has waned in recent years, but this here burker thing has given us a new lease of life".

" 'Cos blacks don't like them burkers, we's fixin' ta git all our members togged up in 'em, then we gonna have us an old fashioned necktie party!"

All this has had little effect on the GOP, Bush and the ASF who are still adamant that burqa wearing is right and proper for American women, the President has stated that if Congress doesn't back him, he'll sign an executive order and that will be that!

More Burqa

Folks, this burqa thing is taking over my life! I just had a call from a lady named Penelope Pernicious who said she was founder and President of MAB (Mothers Against Burqas).

"We're really pissed about this!", she said.

"All of us voted for Bush but we didn't expect that asshole to go this far!".

I asked her to calm down and moderate her language but she pressed on in the same vein.

"Fuck that!" she yelled, "I've got three kids of burqa age and I want to know how the fuck I'm supposed to know who the hell they're playing with?"

"They'll all look the fucking same!" she railed, "It could be the daughter of any scumbag my kid is playing with, it's not good enough, those GOP bastards haven't thought this thing through!"

I agreed she had a point and suggested she call Victoria of ASF to see if something could be done.

"That whore!" she screamed, "I tried her before I called you, she's a fuckin' evil bitch with her own agenda and no help at all!"

Eventually I managed to stop her cursing and promised to use what little influence I may have, to help her. I get the nagging feeling that this thing is opening up a king-size can of worms, there's a whole lot more to come. Stay tuned for more on the American burqa saga!

Friday, November 12, 2004

Burqa Battles

Since news of the burqa deal broke, ASF have been inundated with calls from women expressing consternation about the implementation laws. A vociferous lobby of celebrity females are worried that fans will no longer recognize them.

"We'll be able to mingle freely with the public!" complained a well-known starlet.

"I want some kind of name tag ID on my burqa", said another.

Victoria Vindictive of ASF said:

"While we have some sympathy for them, we can't go changing the rules just for some air-headed celebs, for example we've made concessions on color choice, they'll be able to get black or brown versions now!"

"After tremendous pressure from the Jewish community, we also made a jewellery concession; any woman can wear as much as she likes as long as it's under the burqa"

All this turmoil has caused the President himself to step in, after consultation with the Evangelicals, he finally decreed that each state will hold an "I Love My Burqa" pageant every 4th of July, the winner will receive a specially made "Stars and Stripes" burqa with dispensation to wear it for a whole day!

I'll be following burqa developments closely, so rest assured that you'll be kept informed.

Bush's Burqa Deal


NEWS FLASH!

It's just come to my attention that George W. Bush and a feminist group named ASF (American Subservient Females) have formed a corporation that will import 100 million burqas from a cheap labour supplier in Afghanistan, the garments will be on sale at department stores throughout the USA. All American females over six months old will be required by federal law to wear the burqa but to avoid price gouging, the price nationwide will be fixed at only $25.00 per item (only $2 more for the special version with built-in diaper! Restrictions may apply).

A spokesperson for the group proudly stated that the money earned will be used to furnish every school in the land with a special morning prayer room and the provision of a 6'x6' plaque depicting the Ten Commandments, to be nailed securely to the wall of every classroom. She added that people of the highest possible moral, religious and ethical standards, will be appointed to administer the distribution and police the wearing of the garments. Although the spokesperson would give no names, other sources close to the group indicate that Jerry Falwell will be appointed as chief of distribution with John Ashcroft chief of burqa police.

Most declined to be interviewed but one highly placed gentleman of the religious right said:

"This can't happen soon enough, it's about time we put the women of this country back in their proper place as stated in the Bible, under the dominion of man!"

"Furthermore", he continued, "We will solve this pro-life, pro-choice issue at a stroke; it stands to reason that if a woman's tits and ass are hidden from view, no man will show interest and we won't need them abortion guys no more, got it! "

As usual however, it's swings and roundabouts, although jobs will be created in the construction industry with all the school work, people in the cosmetics business fear major job losses because women will have no further need of make-up.

STOP PRESS

Fast-food giant McDonalds, have said they will be first with burqa-friendly utensils, they already have a special thin drinking straw that fits easily through the holes in the burqa visor.

Pathetic

Holy shit! It's happening already! No sooner have Americans voted in the wrong guy but he's biting their ass! I just found out that 20 affiliates of the ABC TV network cancelled a Thursday screening of the movie "Saving Private Ryan", the reason: fear that the FCC would fine them for, wait for it...INDECENCY!

I've seen the film a few times, as far as I can recall, not a single pubic hair, not the merest hint of a nipple, not even the smallest bum-crack, was visible throughout the entire movie! Indecency? I don't think so! No, what they really mean is that they don't want the American public seeing what soldiers really do in battle, God forbid! Children may be watching! The FCC obviously think American adults are too dumb to censor what their kids see - they need to do it for them.

Actually, I think the movie should be shown with the strong prior recommendation that American parents view it with their children. If you really believe that kids are influenced by what they see on TV, what better thing to do? We need to impress upon them that war is bad, bad, bad and a sign of a nation's failure to solve problems peacefully.

Worst of all, is that the real American forces are doing the kind of things portrayed in the film (and worse) every day in Iraq - this whole farce is an example of idiotic hypocritical behaviour, no doubt backed by Bush and his flock of brainless sheep. H'mm...I may be doing Georgie a disservice here; he doesn't have the wit for it; my guess is that some evangelical puppeteers with just a smidgin more brain, may be pulling his strings.

Music Heals

I have long been aware that music had the ability to affect my moods, but only recently did I discover it's ability to improve health. I've had some health problems over the last two years and during times when I felt low, I listened to pieces of music I knew well and discovered that I felt physically better afterwards! Of course, I realised it wasn't a direct effect but more likely a by-product of the psychological boost the music had given me. But hey...the result was good and that's what matters!

Come to think of it, what a marvellous accolade for a guy who died hundreds of years ago - to have a positive effect upon a living person.

Un Bel Di

Like many opera lovers, I have known and liked this famous Madame Butterfly aria for many years. Recently however, I obtained a video of a recent performance of the opera and watched it several times, I was struck by the beautiful way Puccini crafted it. It reminded me of feelings I had when I first understood the genius of Beethoven's (my favourite composer) Moonlight Sonata. So, I like "One Fine Day" even more than before and Puccini has eased himself up another notch.

Pavarotti Past It

I'm embarassed for Luciano, the last time I heard him was not enjoyable, he should retire. I want to remember him as a life-enhancing performer.

Question For Americans

I lived in the USA for ten years and got to know something of the culture and politics, my question is. How can anyone with a functional brain, vote Republican?

Favourite Quotes

Here are a few quotes that may amuse or enlighten you.

"I like to keep an open mind, but not so open my brains fall out!" - James Oberg, NASA engineer.

"Ockham's Razor is blunt, but it always cuts!" - me.

"If we don't play God, who will?" - Jim Watson (of DNA fame)

"Let's take a visual look at this" - a work colleague.

"Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence" - Carl Sagan, scientist.

"Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence" - Sagan again.

"I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father" - Greg Norman, golfer.

"The needs of the one outweigh the needs of the many" - James T. Kirk, starship captain and selfish bastard!

"Screwing Tasha Yar almost made me human" - Commander Data, Starfleet officer and android.

"The main thing wrong with fundamentalists, is that they're fundamentally wrong! - me

"Wisdom is not the product of schooling but the result of the lifelong attempt to acquire it" - Albert Einstein


Cotton Pickin' Evolution

Foolish creationists often bleat that evolution can't be seen working although actually it can - they just don't want see it! Just look at those states most strongly opposed to evolution, their cotton crops are being damaged by insects that evolve too quickly to be completely controlled! I guess old Charlie would chuckle. It's beautiful - you have to admit!

Soldiers Die

The British government has recently been strongly criticised for sending The Black Watch to a new, more dangerous posting where sadly, a few have died. I have much sympathy for the relatives of these men but they have no right to be angry at Tony Blair. Try to imagine the criticism Blair and the whole nation would have faced had we refused the American request, they would have rightly asked if our men were soldiers or a bunch of wimps.

Soldiers sometimes die, that's part of their job description!

Rightly or wrongly, we're in Iraq and we have to see it through, governments will always make mistakes. These men did not die because they were sent to Iraq, they died because they joined the army.

Bad Movies

I don't want to seem negative but I can't really name my favourite movie because it changes depending on my mood. What I can do, is name a few bad ones because they will always suck no matter what my mood! So, here we go with a short list of these gems and their reasons for being in suckdom.

Movie: The Passion of The Christ

Sucks because: It's just pathetic, it tells you more about the inner workings of Mel Gibson's mind than anything else. I felt insulted by it, I imagine a good few others in Hollywood and elsewhere, will feel likewise. It will probably damage his career - I hope so.


Movie: Independence Day

Sucks because: It expects viewers to be non-thinking, non-critical morons who like nothing more complicated than a gung-ho president prepared to do some personal alien ass-kicking! A bad attempt to cash in off nationalistic fervour and macho bullshit.


Movie: Stargate

Sucks because: The notion that we would travel to the end of the known Universe to visit a planet and nuke it, really sucks. The rest of the plot was puerile - one of the few movies that made me get up and leave halfway through.


Movie: Pearl Harbour

Sucks because: It wasn't about Pearl Harbour! Hollywood these days seems to think that special effects are all that's needed to ensure success - sorry guys, not in my view. The attack on Pearl seemed incidental to the romantic tale!

Tony Blair and The Bush Baby

There's been a lot media talk lately about how we in the UK are tied too strongly to American policy and how Tony Blair seems to do everything that Bush Baby wants. I'm certainly no fan of the bushling myself, but the general public don't seem to realise that cutting certain ties with the USA or even holding back from them a little, would be difficult if not impossible. I think we are in it up to our neck with the Americans in ways that most won't even know about - maybe even don't want to know about! You just have to look around you a little and put two and two together.

But something must be done and soon, before we find ourselves nationally embarassed (even if only intellectually) by aligning too closely with this bible-thumping self-confessed crusader.

Thursday, November 11, 2004

BBC Television

In the space of two or three weeks the BBC both dismayed and impressed me. The short series "Mediums: Talking to The Dead", was the programme that forced me to email them my complaint about their ever-increasing tendency towards sensationlism and the production of material that seems aimed at a certain section of the public. Their behaviour is very much like a commercial channel that must produce crap like this to generate cash, being forced to pay the BBC to produce this kind of nonsense, really annoys me!

On the positive side, another short series entitled "A Brief History of Disbelief", presented by the excellent Jonathon Miller, was very good. I emailed them again, this time with words of praise and encouragement.

Kathleen Battle

Whatever happened to Kathleen Battle? Haven't heard much about her since she got fired from the Met.