Evangelise The Evangelists

For those of you plagued by unwanted visits from door-to-door evangelists like the Jehovah’s Witnesses, Mormons etc., here’s a little tactic you may find useful and usually quite amusing.

Unlike most people, I don’t make some excuse to get rid of them; I invite them in! They will be slightly taken aback by this - they’re expecting rejection - so you immediately gain the advantage in the coming mind war!

Before they launch into their spiel, tell them that you will give them 30 minutes to present their case but in all fairness they must then give you 30 minutes as you present yours. This will throw them for a further loop because they won’t be expecting to spend an hour with you and they’ll mutter something about it not taking that long. Agree with whatever they say but repeat that you will expect equal time no matter how long it takes (the battle is almost won before it starts).

After they stop talking, launch enthusiastically into your own spiel and do your utmost to convince them of their folly and the wisdom of your logic; most importantly, make sure that you try to take longer than they did. They’ll try to stop you because by then, escape will be uppermost in their minds, but courteously ignore their pleas and offer them tea or other refreshment, do whatever it takes to keep them imprisoned and you rambling on!

I almost forgot; it’s important that they are sitting and you are standing, in fact, pace up and down a little, adopt a lecturer-to-student posture, this will give you further advantage and makes it easier for you to see them squirm!

Pretty soon, one of them - they always come in twos - will stand up and try to terminate the torture. Allow this, but don’t let them escape yet; make them promise to return bringing more of their brethren with them (they never will). I came up with a nice closer the last time I played the game. I said I was somewhat disappointed that they wouldn’t let me finish my statement and asked them to invite me to the local Kingdom Hall on an evening of their choice, where I would present a talk on the virtues of atheism! Of course, I didn’t get an invitation; they almost fell over each other trying to get out the door!

Disappointingly, I haven’t had an evangelical visit for quite a while now; maybe the word is getting around, but it was great fun while it lasted.

Try it yourself sometime!