Just In Case

Some years ago I prepared a short statement that following my death and subsequent judgement, I would recite to God in the unlikely event that I had been totally wrong about him. Unfortunately, I can't find the original text so I'm going to recreate it as follows.

"God, I admit my error. Yes, I have been wrong about you all these years, but excuse me God, if I don't genuflect and quake before your wrath. You see, I have no fear; I was told many times by several of your sheep that you are a loving and forgiving deity, kindly disposed toward errant sinners who recant their evil words."

"So, with this in mind, I can't see how you can possibly refuse me entry to Heaven, after all, you'd be making yourself look like a spiteful, petty asshole if you decided to make an example of a poor cretin such as I. Therefore, I look forward to a happy eternal existence with only one condition that I must insist upon. I have spent my life learning, so I need an interesting job up here, I will not be fobbed off with crap work like sewing the wings on angels or similar shit like that, so bear this in mind and we can have a fruitful partnership."

I think I have Him by the bollocks, what do you think?